Muqablech : Part Deux

12 10 2008

In case you are not a regular reader of this blog, this is a continuation of Superhit Muqablech, and, I hate you.

N-1 . INDIwell, very much“, ” among the amit_123s and kids of ages 15-16 extremelyPOP

Yes, we are talking about India’s answer to 50 CentInde Cent. Item numbers in the rest of this post will refer to this genre, as opposed to what the counter boy enters into his device to obtain the price of an item.

This genre is not new. Meaning it is old. Meaning, ye ol parents and uncles and irritating aunts shant criticize my generation.(This is where Sachin puts his arm around me and says ” Our generation “, but I cut him short and say ” You wish!”).

Mr. HighlyCriticalAndAtTheSameTimeIncrediblyPissingOffUncle ( HCAATSTIPOU for short ):”Why do you say that it is not new?? Me thought Shilpa Shetty was the first one to be called an Item girl after that song from Shool? The kids these days, pah pah pah ! Abhishtu.“.

Mr. HighlyIntellectualChickMagnet ( Mudd for short) : ” I appreciate the general knowledge sir (restecp ! ). But just try and remember the days of your youth (yes, difficult,i agree), the movies that came out , remember ” Caravan ” or “Sholay” or “Namak Halal”? Helen, Parveen Babi??

HCAATSTIPOU : ” Yes, vaguely.” ( read: Duh dude, but I just don’t want to accept it because I know where you’re getting at and my argument would be compromised if I did)

Mudd: ” yes, you called them Cabaret performances and ‘fast forward songs‘ (a song which when appears from tape provokes an urge to press the >> button when family is around), but in essence there were skimpily clad women shaking booty (which is an approximate version of Wikipedia’s definiton of Item Number). AND YOU WATCHED IT – REPEATEDLY

Yes, it is old. But the term has now come to mean a larger range of songs : “The term ‘item number‘ has now been relaxed to include almost all upbeat dance numbers involving either a woman in skimpy clothing, or a “guest appearance” from a star who is only in the movie for the length of that song” (a wikiquote)
Even mainstream actresses and actors ( blech ! ) do Item Numbers. Or should I say the ladies who have done item numbers have gone on to become mainstream actresses. Eitherways, the genre has come and will stay on until Bollywood has some laws against bad music and limited clothing, which by recent trend, I do not see happening.
Just to make this post more appealing ( read: To appear on google’s search results for hot Raakhi Sawant Pics ( usually 0 results) or I like booty) , here are the leading ladies of this genre, I mean the videos. ( I do not know who sings for them, and frankly, few care)



Not too sure about the last guy, but I have definitely seen him in many such songs.

Note: The neck downs of these images are intended only for mature audiences. Knowing my readers inside out, I cropped them.

P.S : Not all item numbers are bad songs.





That Noosepaper Item

10 08 2008


A few days ago I read an article in the TOI Bangalore edition that talks about 3 fat ladies. Considering that it was TOI, one would have expected a gossip column about Khushboo or how Bipasha Basu complains about her weight. But , to my surprise and (lack of) delight it was about the date 08-08-08.

The quoting starteth : ” Such dates occur rarely, mostly once in a millennium “…”There may not be any religious or astrological connotations to Friday’s palindrome date. But then, this is something that will not come until the next millennium”
I have a few questions : Do we reach the next millennium in another hundred years? Or does mi-len-nium mean one-hun-dred in latin??

Purpose behind the Inquisition : Many of us might not live long enough to see the 8th of August 2108 owing to increasing terrorist activity, increasing murders of daughters and servants, skyrocketing stats of death owing to alcohol overdose and well, increasing age and the consequent complications.
But, tell me if I’m wrong (click on the 0 comments link a few centimeters below.. please.. and I’d be happy if you cant find it 🙂 , when you write this date in the dd-mm-yy format ( or the 3!-1 other formats considering the 2 ds and the 2 ms and the 2 ys prefer to stay together), doesn’t the date resemble a 08-08-08 ?. Again, when the date does arrive, will we be in the next millennium ?

Waitees, the blog post ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings.
So thats that about 08-08-2108. Oops, what about 2208, and 2308 and 2n08 (n E Z , n>3, n <10 ) ??

On the contrary I can think of one point of view that not only makes Mr.Author human ( from amoeba thalamoid ,atom cerebroid gorrilanus) but a genius , is that the very idea of fixing when a millennium starts or ends has no sanctity attached to it.Who knows when the world began? Was it 4.5 Billion years ago? So that would imply it began during the year (4.5bn-2008) B.C ?
All right, so you say its the Birth of Christ that defines the zero on our scale? May be Mr. Author uses a different scale, may be he is not Christian or perhaps he’s not a fan of Pope Gregory. To beat it all ( read : kill it all/ own it all) he could be a Brahmin Iyer ( read : Palakkad Brahmin Iyer) , which implies there is no way he cannot be a genius. So, he probably has his own calendar, his own milestones, his own measurements. In the authorian calendar, the millennium may start on the 9th of August every thousand years or may be each gregorian year equals a hundred authorian years.

Ok gtg, the song “Kungumappotin Mangalam” is on air. So blog post is over ! ( why?)





Traffic

5 07 2008

If you’re looking for a movie review for Traffic, then “Wrong Number”… and I think you should check out : This !
Thanks a lot for visiting my page. Keep coming back, I might have more such intentionally misleading stuff.

But, if you’re slightly demented and would rather a few crappy blog posts then stick on and scroll down.

Ok…All reals ! .. .. traffic is a concept. Its something that people come across at sometime or the other in their lives. Every constituent of today’s junta would have suffered this harrowing ordeal.
Now how does one react in a tense slow moving traffic situation: One in which if even one more vehicle is added to the equation, the whole system collapses.

On the one hand there are those craven owners of lilliputan rickety vehicles that they have bought from their whole life’s savings.

On the other are those chauffeurs of august looking luxury sedans who have no clue of what might be their fate if their employer finds that scratch near the tail lights of thickness 2.3 nanometers. Theyd be thanking god that most of these owners are old and cannot tell an M80 from a Ducati using all that equipment (after crazy loads of depreciation) in their head.

On the third hand( oops…ok.. leg then),the Heavy Vehicle Man. By that I mean buses and trucks and lorries and even those hugeee things that have stuff like “MAERSK” written on them. These guys just don’t give a “rat’s ass”( read -four letter word beginnin with an F and not fool or fart or feud or fill or free or …) .

Among all of these heavy weights are the Bikers…( Do not immediately picture a Harley Davidson ridden by a 250lb man wearing a 300lb leather jacket. Come back to earth- Yeh India hai Bhaaiyee !!(said with profound thambi accent(And THAT is nested paranthesisation for you))). Wait..I need to figure out what I was writing before those brackets. Aaah…so these bikers… riding anything from black 220cc pulsars to pink scooties would meander through the traffic, again regardless of what they might hit on the way and whose rear view mirror they may take along.

This is quite a scene. Add to this the fact that 20% of these people are one their cellphones (Some people at least have the “Gidney” to use hands free).
And to top it all off, this high entropy scenario gets some further jolts from some jackass jaywalkers.(juss missed alliteration)

What is most surprising is that almost everytime every single one of these people come out unscathed and totally normal as if nothing even happened … As if its not even worth a blog topic. And they’re right, Ive been there millions of times and I am sane(my opinion)… and life goes on as ever.

K…lunch time…:)
But here’s a thought (for the day, if ud like..if it reminds you of good ol days in school)..
“If u are who u are and i am who i am because u are who u are and i am who i am then u are who u are and i am who i am but,
if u are who u are because i am who i am and i am who i am because u are who u are then u are not who u are and i am not who i am”
– Thanks to the evam play “Art”… Awesome play. You must really watch it if given the opportunity. (@Mr.Evam : you can pay me later)
And Yess , I am taking up Philosophy in a big way, and probably sainthood too.. it seems like an easier way to make money.
In a few weeks my blog will be shifted to http://www.theincrediblyawesomeguywhobecameasage.blogspot.com