Anhoni ko Dhoni (ke Fans) Kar De

25 12 2008

Remember the age old Shakespearean question on the topic of which division you should choose in your second grade? I’ve found the answer – ‘To be Dhoni‘ is the answer. A group of die hard Dhoni fanatics (For over 20 years) , have come up with a plan ( and an elevation and other figures) to build a Place of worship for da man. One doubt :
Haven’t they taken this ‘Cricket is a religion in India‘ thing a little too literally?

Aside : Why Dhoni ? What sort of a name is that? Here are my suggested etymologies :

1. His ancestors are from Kerala and one of their names was Anthony. But with all that mallu accent around, to his dismay, and to the rest of the world’s frustration , everyone called him Undhoni, which people mistook as a conjunction followed by Dhoni , and the name has stuck.

2. Microsoft employees performed time travel into the year 1981 to release a product called MS Dhoni.

3. His real name was Mahendra. There was a famous Bihari song in the 90s that went “Dhoni Dhoni Dhoni”. He walked into karaoke pub one night and the junta urged him to sing the song. So they said “Mahendra Sing Dhoni“, and since everyone was saying that, some retarded people in the crowd started thinking that it was his name.

4. His Great grand Chitappa owned a laundry shop in Chennai. And well, the Tamil makkal did not know Hindi too well so they’d say ” Dho Nee“.

5. Dhoni or Doni is a multi-purpose sail boat with a motor or lateen sails that is used in the Maldives. It is handcrafted and its use within the multi-island nation has been very important. A dhoni resembles a dhow, a traditional Arab sailing vessel. Actually that sucks for an etymo. Please Scrap 5.

End of Aside , All reals.

All that aside (Heh 🙂 , what becomes of him if this were to happen. He would be the Youngest Hindu God. ( Hindu because very few other faiths have multiple gods, and the others which do wont tolerate him. Even Cricket is too busy praying to the Sachin God. Youngest because he is 27 and , well, he is closely followed by Lord Muruga in second spot at a billion and a half.)
According to the papers they will build a 5 ft tall Idol of him. Oh wait , or is it 20 ft. I think they will settle on 12.5. And what will the bhajans be like?? 20-20 Bhajans?? Well, here’s an example :

BCCI had no selection Stratechee
So they looked at the others and said Chee Chee

That is why they gave him the captainchee

And he comes from a place that’s so Raunchy.

It is also in his general knowlechee
That the WWf panda’s Name is chi-Chi

He is India’s very own Annaachee

And he comes from a place that’s so Raunchy.

Instead of Saying Hi , Kem Chee
Or Saying Bingo chips is Crunchee
Sorry this song is Pulichi Pochee
And he comes from a place that’s so Raunchy

All said and done, Dhoni is a pretty decent captain, and a major patriot. One can see his commitment to the country ( And the Men in Blue campaign) in this picture where he is seen drinking blue water. Dhoni was not available for comment owing to a bitter copyright battle with Bill Gates.( Or because he hasn’t visited my house in the last hour, as you like it ( Damn the Shakespeare in me !)).

In other related news, the star of Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi ( a critically acclaimed movie that released hardly a week back), Anushka Sharma, has said that she will only choose the best films. No… Seriously… Go check your newspaper.

Advertisements




I are actually Baffoon

10 06 2008


The long awaited prequel to the second sequel is here. But we might just decide to scrap the prequel to the third sequel which itself might be scrapped. On that note you might want to visit http://itsscrapped.blogspot.com ( Kutty pay my part of the rent for the first month 🙂

Now, the Kais… let us call them Calls from now on just to avoid copyright violation of greek alphabet for …well.. some ..many physical and mathematical quantities. I was majorly enthu about these calls and since S.P.A.C.E was not quite active in the place where i was.. well lets call it..say…IIT Madras. So I had to go in for another program to work on my GDPI skills. The company calls itself … say.. “Algorithm to calculate the route from one place to another”. As it turns out it wasn’t really a company, was just a single person ( As the Great Sultan put it “Singam Singleaa thaan varum”). This person..lets call him TR.. lived and took classes in a shady locale near IITM called G.H.E.L ( short for Go To Hell). And to actually give you an idea of what the place was like : The fungii on the tables in that classroom contradicted the Laws of Microbe Multiplication (If there’s something like that) because they had absolutely no place left to grow on.

But what the hell , we have mushroom soup for dinner. So my company and I took up these classes. We had one or two GDs every class and it always astonished me how people with whom Id been studying with (in IITM remember) had gathered so much information just for the sake of argument during GDs. Quoting one of them ” India has a GDP growth rate of 9.2 percent and an Inflation rate of 7.32% and a population growth rate of 1.606% and a fart rate of one in every pi/3.3* 10^-14 seconds” ( I had to google those to check up). The point is .. the topic had nothing to do with all this. Yet it made good talk and good presence.

All that apart, some GDs went well some went bad and by the end of it all I was excited about the Calls. Also, S.P.A.C.E had an all expenses paid 2 day workshop which I attended with a certain friend of mine… lets call him Deepak Venkatramani. I remember at one of those lectures, this prof from S.P.A.C.E says ” There was a guy last year, got all 6 X Calls, but could convert only one of them. He was really arrogant and God punished him [ :)] ” and my obvious reaction was thank god.. no offence Mr.Unknown… but it obviously felt like it must be really hard to screw it up.
This is the point where i realise that this blog entry is getting excruciatingly long. So, I attended the Interviews…6 of them. Each in Bangalore. Was a real headache to go from Trichy to that place …4 times !
And well, those faces that I saw across the interview tables came back to haunt me at many nightmares…some still do. There wer a few errors here and there, for example at X A , I had written my father’s annual income as 20000 instead of 2000000. But apart from that nothing went glaringly wrong either in the forms or at the interviews.

On the day the results came out, my dad was watching the TV, the daily astrologer show…and he supposedly said ” Vetri maela Vetri Varum”( Literally translated as : “Victory over Victory coming!”. And so it happened,
First Javagal Srinath came, Outswinger, Off stump out of the ground.

Then I thought Ill play second gadjee , Sourav Ganguly got my leg stump.

But I still stuck on…refused to give my bat away (It was the only bat and everyone started pulling for it). Then came the big blow. I was thinking Munaf Patel would bowl but Parthiv Patel took the ball and bam I missed the ball and it rolled slowly and got my middle stump. There were no bails left to fall of so I was given out .

I ran across to the other side because I noticed that the 3 wickets there were still standing.

Everyone wanted to bowl at me. But I said “One at a time please”
R.P.Singh snatched the ball off Praveen Kumars hand and bowled a yorker to get my leg stick followed by Sreesanth who got my middle.

There’s no current cricketer from MP that I know. So , lets just assume that I got hit wicket.

That meant all 6 down. Meanwhile, some Butt Naggers and Idly Rasams were scoring centuries at other grounds.

The point is (If you haven’t got it yet) I did not convert any of my Calls. The Worst part comes later , when everybody…people whom you’ve hardly even spoken to start giving advice. Things like “You’re voice is not loud enough” orr ” You probably would have put mokkai over there” orr ” You aren’t confident enough” orr ” You shouldve worn the right underwear”. It was irritating as hell.
One wonders: if it hadn’t happened, would it mean that my voice was loud, or that I don’t put mokkai? .. doubt it.

As the ancient Japanese Proverb goes
” Cho Cheeta Vohi Sikkandar
Cho Haara to us ke ***** ke andar” ( where ***** rhymes with land, or a mal pronounciation of aunt )

Good news is that its past me. Better news is that I can blog on something interesting now that the sequel is done. Phew !